Abandon:
verb
cease to support or look after (someone); desert
____________________
Also known as 'to reject'... 'devalue'... 'to give up on'... 'to be better off without'... 'to feel no moral obligation towards'...
My life feels like one big instance of abandonment; a game to see how much I can withstand. The feeling of building a connection with someone, be it over days or weeks or years, only to have them walk away without ever looking back, is a feeling that cant be described. The sense of rejection and lack of value that I feel is so immense that it overwhelms me and sucks the breath right out of me. I feel so unwanted and I hate knowing that the impact I make on people is so disposable.
Andy:
You gave me life; you created me. You know how to reach me and you choose not to. I am your only daughter and possibly your only child. Am I not worth getting to know? Do you not remember what it was like to hold me on the day I was born and to watch me learn to roll over and sit up? Do none of those memories matter?
Marvin:
You were the only father I knew as a young child. You took me Trick or Treating. You held me in the waiting room as my brother, your son, was born. I visited you in the AA facility every Saturday and you wrote me letters to read at bedtime since you couldn't tuck me in. You grieved with us... and then you disappeared. Do you not ever wonder who I turned in to; whether I lived or died?
Tom:
You promised the moon and the stars to me; you used to tell me how special and important I was. You helped me build my first tree house, you used to help me pick out my dress for church every Sunday and you came to all of my school functions. You were such an asshole but I was a child that looked up to you for so many years. You had your own children and I knew you would never see me as the same but before you took your last breath this year, did you ever question what became of the little girl you helped raise? Death made it easier for you but you walked away years ago and never looked back.
Bob:
You were around for everything; high school graduation, buying my house, family vacations and other milestones. You treated me like the princess who held your heart and used to bring me coffee at work just to have an excuse to visit. You would call me for gift advice and we had sneaky little secrets that made me laugh. You used to go out of your way to do whatever it took to make me happy and then you disappeared. You don't know anything that is going on in my life. You don't care how I am doing. How did I go from being one of the most important people in your life to being a distant memory?
Becky:
You are the friend who has known me the longest. You've been in my life since 1st grade and you went out of your way over the years to make sure our friendship stood the test of time. I was your shoulder to cry on and you were my source of laughter and strength. You gave me the best gift I could have ever asked for in the world when I got to look into those beautiful eyes after hours of patiently waiting for Madelyn to be born. Just seeing her smile or hearing her voice was enough to brighten my day regardless of whatever else had taken place. She stole my entire heart and I loved you for allowing me to be a part of her life. Then you left and you took her with you. After so many years and with so much history, you abruptly slammed the door shut on our friendship with no hesitation or looking back.
Heather:
You are the friend who knows me the best. You know things about me and relationships that no one else does. You shared things with me that no one else will ever know and I cherished those moments of trust so much. I relied on you for emotional and mental support, while offering the same. I supported you in times when it felt like the world was against you because I had faith in your ability to know what needed to happen in your life. You walked out on me at a time when I needed you most. You chose a guy over me, based on a huge misunderstanding, but you made it look so easy to cut me out of your life. No apologies, no expression of regret, nothing. Just silence... and because of that, I am missing out on your wedding and your future.
B:
You are the hardest reality to face. You abandoned me completely; mentally, physically and emotionally. We were there for each other through so much stuff over so many years. We experienced things together that I wouldn't wish on anyone else. We were both so broken but together we provided support. You walked out on me, leaving me to clean up the mess you created. But - that wasn't enough. You came back, broke me into a million pieces, and then walked out again. You took every weakness and insecurity that you knew about me and you used it against me. You shattered me. How can you do that to someone that you loved? How can you harm the person that has saved you time and time again? Why would you want to pull me under the current with you, just because you weren't able to keep your own head above water? Did I really offer that little value to you and to your life? Did you not feel any moral obligation to protect me from the storm you created, after I sheltered you and bailed you out of so much over the years? You never looked back; you don't know where I'm at or what I'm doing. You left behind responsibilities that you take no ownership of. You left me and you built a whole new life with no regard for mine.
Why am I so easy to walk away from? What am I doing that not only gives people the ability to simply turn their backs on me but to also prosper once doing so? Here I am sitting and crying and thinking about all the people in my past when none of them have given a single thought about me. This is why I get so upset about broken friendships or loss of acquaintances; it's just another example of someone making a conscious decision to completely remove me from their life. The only person who has stayed in my life for any significant amount of time is someone who doesn't see or talk to me on a regular basis; he is there when I need him and vice versa but it's not a daily or even weekly occurrence. I cant help but to think that has something to do with his ability to withstand me for this long though, I believe that if questioned, he would be forced to admit that I offer no true value to his life. I just exist... and when people are tired of me existing, they delete me from their lives and move on. It's that simple apparently.
