April 20, 1991

On September 23, 1990 my mom gave birth to a baby boy named Branson. I was in first grade and was an only child, so this was a great addition to our family. Although he was often ill and was in and out of the hospital, I had a great time dressing him up in all the cute baby clothes and toting him around everywhere I went.

For Halloween, Branson was a "little devil" and at Christmas time he wore a Santa outfit. At the time, mom was going through a divorce so we moved into our own house...just me, mom and Branson. We all had our own rooms but I loved spending time in his room, playing with him and his toys.

On April 20, 1991, seven months after he was born, Branson passed away in his sleep. He would be 18 today. I remember the day very vividly. It was a Saturday...on Saturdays Branson would watch cartoons with me. This Saturday though, I slept later than usual. When I woke up, mom was still asleep but Branson was not in the bed with her. So, I went to his room and found he was sleeping in his crib. However, when I went to pick him up, I could tell something was wrong. His color was odd and he was not warm. I immediately woke mom up- she had put him to bed in the middle of the night and then thought I had woke up with him in the morning. I remember the panicked look on her face- I ran to the living room while she went to his room. I will never forget the scream that irrupted from the hall. I remember calling 911 and then waiting in the driveway so the ambulance would find our house. The next thing I remember is the house being full of flowers; peace lillys everywhere. I hated it; I hated the smell. I dont remember much more. When I look at pictures of him in the open casket, I vaguely remember helping mom pick his outfit- a cute little outfit with a matching hat. I kept his favorite stuffed animal and a few outfits.

The day after it happened, I remember telling mom that I was sorry...I told her it was my fault because I had yelled at him for pulling my hair the day before. I was in first grade at the time and all of my classmates made me cards and mailed them in a big envelope to my house. I was nervous about going back to school because I didn't want everyone to ask me questions. After the funeral, I tied a key that I found (which I considered a house key) to a balloon and set it free...I remember thinking it would make it all the way to him in case he ever wanted to come home. The balloon got stuck in a tree.

18 years later, it's still difficult to think about. My mom and I both carry a lot of guilt about it; feeling bad for not waking up. The doctors said it was S.I.D.S. (sudden infant death syndrome). He spent a lot of time in the hospital with some form of bronchitis; a crib with a tent over it that we couldn't open. I remember mom just sitting there with him for hours.

Branson is buried in Thomson, GA about 1.5 hours away from us. Our family and friends still go put flowers and gifts out for us throughout the year.

It's weird to think that he'd be driving, going to college, dating, etc. I dont talk about it often, and most people are not even aware that it occurred. It's easier not to think about on a daily basis now, but on this day of the year, it's always in the back of my mind.