Every time I try to write my story, the characters become distorted or disappear. My plot twists and my theme dissolves. I lose sight of the point I was making and get lost in the trip I was taking. Every time I attempt to finalize the ending, I'm blinded by the beginning that has not yet begun. How can one find comfort in the journey without feeling confident in the final destination? Wind gusts and moments of disarray are not my ideal modes of travel; as the author of my story, I want a leisurely trip.
Sometimes you hear the right song at the right moment...
"Suitcases"
Dara Maclean
How can you move when they're weighing you down?
What can you do when you're tied to the ground, yeah?
You carry your burdens heavy like gravity
Just let them go now, there's freedom in release
You can't run when you're holding suitcases
It's a new day, throw away your mistakes
And open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don't have to be afraid
Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There's a better way when you know you're forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don't have to be afraid
Can you imagine what it's like to be free, oh, oh, oh?
Well, send those bags packing, they are not what you need, oh
Abandon your troubles by the side of the street
Just let them go now, believe me
You can't run when you're holding suitcases
Yes, it's a new day, throw away your mistakes
And open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don't have to be afraid
Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There's a better way when you know you're forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don't have to be afraid
There's nothing holding
You back now, just run
Oh, you can't run when you're holding suitcases
Yes, it's a new day, throw away your mistakes
And open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don't have to be afraid
Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There's a better way when you know you're forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don't have to be, you don't have to be afraid
You don't have to be afraid
Every morning, I wake up hoping I wont feel the same feelings.. hoping I wont wish you were next to me. Every evening I pray for the strength to come to terms with the fact that this isn't temporary.. you're not just on vacation or relocated overseas. You're gone and I wish my heart and my brain could just get on the same page and deal. I don't want live this way anymore.. being alone during storms, stressing over how I am financially going to manage, taking our dog to the vet by myself, have to panic internally because there's no one next to me at night to share my thoughts and fears and goals with.. not having anyone to come home to to share the exciting moments of my day or to give me an embrace after a trying day. I miss my old life... it wasn't perfect. Hell, it wasn't even real... but I miss it. I want to think that you think about me when it storms.. that you wonder if I'm ok. I want to think you wonder what I'm doing and how I've been spending my time. I know you don't.... but I want to think that you do. I wish that you did.
