Orange

Every morning, I wake up hoping I wont feel the same feelings.. hoping I wont wish you were next to me. Every evening I pray for the strength to come to terms with the fact that this isn't temporary.. you're not just on vacation or relocated overseas. You're gone and I wish my heart and my brain could just get on the same page and deal. I don't want live this way anymore.. being alone during storms, stressing over how I am financially going to manage, taking our dog to the vet by myself, have to panic internally because there's no one next to me at night to share my thoughts and fears and goals with.. not having anyone to come home to to share the exciting moments of my day or to give me an embrace after a trying day. I miss my old life... it wasn't perfect. Hell, it wasn't even real... but I miss it. I want to think that you think about me when it storms.. that you wonder if I'm ok. I want to think you wonder what I'm doing and how I've been spending my time. I know you don't.... but I want to think that you do. I wish that you did.