Coping

They've always said depression is an illness; a chemical imbalance that affects every area of your life. I never wanted to believe it. I believed depression is circumstantial- if your life sucks, you get depressed. It never made sense to me that someone who had everything they wanted could ever justify being unhappy. Someone who had a happy relationship, a successful job, a supportive family.. those people could never justify wanting to die.

My opinion has changed. I now know that, no matter how hard you fight it, no matter how happy you are in certain areas of your life, your brain can still succumb to the battle of depression. It doesn't make sense. It isn't logical. It is, however, real.

Depression makes you do the things that cause you to be depressed. You get sad and you find ways to cope. Being sad makes you angry and you find ways to cope. Without positive coping mechanisms, you get stuck in a cycle that further exasperates the issues. You cant explain it. You cant justify it. You feel out of control which causes your world to spin even faster out of control. You put so much energy towards trying to feel normal... trying to look ok... and you exhaust yourself both mentally and physically in the process.

Telling someone you're not ok feels oddly comforting. Admitting that you're struggling is extremely difficult but once you do, there's a feeling of relief. The relief comes from knowing you're not alone, you're not crazy, you're not imagining it. Depression is an illness that skinny people feel and happily married people feel. People with fairy tale lives are depressed. It doesn't mean that you're ungrateful for all the positive things in your life. If doesn't meant that you aren't thankful for the amazing people that are part of your life or that the love that you feel for someone isn't real. It's possible to be over-the-moon happy yet still be depressed.

Apparently.