Barefoot

Once I stopped hoping for a reconciliation and realized that not being in a relationship with you was what was best for me, the load became lighter. Things became easier to deal with when I stopped feeling sorry for myself and stopped wishing for a different outcome. This is the hand I have been dealt and I just have to smile and keep moving on with my life. Things became easier - but they didn't become easy. This is still difficult.. hard as hell... and even though I've gotten better at 'being ok', I cant pretend that I'm not still dying inside with each day that goes by. Sure, I'm better at distracting my thoughts or at conjuring up feelings of anger to replace other undesirable emotions but that doesn't mean I'm not still fighting with them internally. Having not had any contact with you for over a week has made it easier to pretend you just don't exist... not having to communicate with you allows me to just block you out. Having not had any contact with you also makes it harder - makes me realize you are choosing not to communicate with me and not have me in your life... which hurts.

Everything normal is now different. I know 'different' doesn't have to mean bad but for now it means uncomfortable and unfamiliar. I feel like I have traveled to another country where I know nothing about the language or the culture... I'm traveling the streets of a world I've never visited. Barefoot.


Flight Of The Conchords Lyrics - I'm Not Crying

So you're leaving?
I can tell because I can see you're leaving
But if you're trying to break my heart
Your plan is flawed from the start
You can't break this heart, it's liquid
It melted when I met you

And as you leave, don't turn back to me
Don't turn around to see if I'm crying
I'm not crying, not crying, not crying
I'm not crying, it's just been raining on my face
And if you think you see some tear tracks down my cheeks
Please, please don't tell my mates

I'm not crying, no, I'm not crying
And if I am crying, it's not because of you
It's because I'm thinking about a friend of mine
You don't know who is dying, that's right, dying
These aren't tears of sadness because you're leaving me
I've just been cutting onions, I'm making a lasagna for one

Oh, I'm not crying, no
There's just a little bit of dust in my eye
That's from the path that you made when you said your goodbye
I'm not weeping 'cause you won't be here to hold my hand
For your information, there's an inflammation in my tear gland

I'm not upset because you left me this way
My eyes are just a little sweaty today
They've been looking around and are searching for you
They've been looking for you even though I told them not to
These aren't tears of sadness, they're tears of joy
I'm just laughing, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha

I'm sitting at this table called love
Staring down at the irony of life
How come we've reached this fork in the road
And yet it cuts like a knife?

I'm not crying
I'm not crying
I'm not crying