This Is It

I finally pleaded with you yesterday to tell me what is going on.. why this is happening. You have told me you weren't in a good place mentally and that's all. So I asked.. are you depressed? Do you have an addiction? Is there someone else? You said you have always felt like you could find someone that makes you happier and someone that you have more in common with. You say there's no one else and that you have no interest in trying to repair what we had. I finally came to terms with the fact that this was over. Not because we don't get along or because I don't care about you.. but because you're never going to change. You're never going to admit to yourself that I have changed. You still to this day accuse me of not trusting you... something I prided myself on changing. You think happiness in life is just going to come natural, without requiring any work or effort.. and that's fine. You can continue living in that reality because one day it will all make sense to you.

I emailed you, telling you that I had finally 'accepted' your decision.. that, while I'm hurt and upset, I know it's not going to change and I am willing to just let you go like you want. (see "Flatline") Your response to this was:

Well that was not nice. Glad you are finally done pretending I guess. I know what I am walking away from and this is it. 

When I tried to get you to tell me what that meant.. what I was pretending about and what you thought was "not nice" you said that you took those comments back. "Never mind, I take it back" you said. 

After all this, you still try to turn things around on me and try to make me out to be the bad guy. Any other person would've told you to pack your things and be gone when you said you were moving out. No one else would've been supportive and understanding as you acted so selfishly. You are trying so hard to make yourself look like the good guy... you think that because you are still willing to help pay for the debt we accumulated together, that you are doing me a favor and I should be grateful. Guess what - it's not worth it. I only agreed to these terms because I was hopeful you would wake up and miss me and change your mind about the way you are living your life. I realize now that's not happening.. you're not going to change the way you see me.. and I'm done hoping you will. 

I asked you to get a storage locker and send me a list of furniture that you wish to take. We can come to a mutual agreement. The items that belong to you that you do not want, you are responsible for moving them, selling them, storing them.. whatever you want to do. I told you to either take the two cats to your new home or take them to the humane society. I hate that because we committed to proving a home to those cats years ago but I cant be financially responsible for two dogs and two cats. I told you that I'll be dropping you from my car insurance plan next week and asked you to call the cell phone company to relinquish my line. Yes, it's a lot to do .. but it's about darn time you have to deal with the consequences of your decision. I have been inconvenienced by your decisions every day for the past three weeks. Your turn. 

I have not tried to turn anything on you. I have made one comment which I took back. I tell you I will help you pay and be your friend but that's not what you want. I will get what I can, as fast as I can. If your decision is to leave yourself with debt we accumulated together, thats your prerogative. I have offered to find a way to make this transition a little easier.

You have offered to pay your part of the bills. For now. But you have given me no kind of timeline on how long that will last or what will happen when you stop paying. There's no point dragging this out any longer.. you obviously have no understanding of what you are putting me through. Your comments and efforts to turn things around on me have really upset me. YOU are doing this to ME.. I haven't done anything to you but try to be supportive.. and you still try to find a way to make be out to be the bad guy. I guess if you are just going to assume the worst of me, I may as well show you the worst of me. You said "this" is what you are walking away from.. but let me tell you.. "this" was someone who wanted to fight for you instead of just watching you walk away. "This" was someone who loved you enough to put themselves out there and who was willing to be patient and supportive. Remind yourself that "this" is what you walked away from in the future when you open your eyes and see the light of the real world.