Friday, April 25, 2014

Perhaps There Are...

When I left the state to visit my best friend (so I wouldn't have to watch you move out...) we engaged in texts. You explained that you valued her opinion because over all the years, she never chose sides and usually spoke her opinion without worry what others thought. We've known her for years and she's always been insightful. You said you would be interested in hearing her take on our situation and on your 'issues' because you felt whatever she said would probably be right. I read this message to her and suggested that one day, in the future, she tell us her thoughts. I never mentioned it to her again after I returned home and didn't think she took me seriously. 

Until last night. Randomly, I received an extremely long text message that told a story of a boy dealing with a long term lingering pain that manifested into something unbearable. The pain was initiated by an experience so minor one would never had suspected it would have long term affects. The inability to shake the pain or understand it began to affect daily life and relationships and the options available to "fix" it seemed pointless. Eventually the boy agreed to seek help, despite his feelings about it, and found himself healed in such a way that he could enjoy things in life that he was never able to before.

She worded it in such a way that made it relatable and not an attack or attempt at shaming. There are intentional similarities drawn from your life and references to real issues you have dealt with. She wrote it in such a way that proves she really understands and cares. I don't think you are ready to understand this yet - I'm not even sure you will see all the connections that are attempted. I do think this is a perfect way to explain what's happening in your life right now and how it's preventing you from seeing the good. If nothing else, I love her for writing this because it shows me that someone believes me, even when it feels like I'm alone in my views. 




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A young child, his mother and older brother get in a minor car accident after his mom picks them up from school. No one was injured, everyone was wearing seat-belts and the car just had a dent and busted headlight. A few tears were shed, for a child this was a a pretty scary thing. But nonetheless everyone is ok. The young child grew up just like any other kid would. He played sports with friends and even joined the marching band. One day while marching he felt a little pain in his leg, nothing major - not enough pain to keep from marching and chasing pretty girls anyway. Maybe just growing pains... Everyone gets those, right? Fast forward a few years and one of those pretty girls he had been chasing decides it would be fun to stop running and sit together on a couch that they both own, and hey, why not get a kitten too! They had lots of fun on that couch, sometimes the pretty girl would tickle her boy to make him laugh and squirm and he would know how much she loved him. But the squirming hurt his leg more than the marching and so sometimes he would play along and sometimes he would pull away, sometimes he would snap.  Pretty little girl didn't understand. And the misunderstanding went on for 5 or so more years. Except the pain had gotten worse and the misunderstanding had grown to hurt and anger. Now he was limping and his back would spasm too. Maybe a Tylenol would help? Nope. What if he took one every day? Nope.  What about twice a day? 3 times? Maybe it would help for a while. But his leg would eventually hurt again and again. People suggested therapy... But it's expensive and time consuming and couldn't he just do those exercises at home? He decided to try it out. They had him do all sorts of stretches and maneuvers he'd never thought of or thought that his leg could bend that way. (Then he realized that maybe all that physical therapy education actually taught them something). After a couple of months he would go all day without limping, and after a year he didn't feel the pain at all. The doctor asked if he had been in a car accident as a child. He could barely remember. How could something so insignificant and barely rememberable affect every step, every twist, every tickle. By this point he was excited to get home to pretty little girl. He craved her tickles and even took up hiking, he would have never before done something like that (it was hot, and there were mosquitos - or were these all just excuses because his leg hurt so bad?).

What if as a young boy it wasn't a minor car accident? What if his dad made him cry instead? What if his mom was sad and he was powerless? What if his mom got sick? Which part of his body would ache? What kind of marching would make him limp? What kind of tickling would make him pull away? What kind of Tylenol would he take? How many would fix it? What kind of therapy could exercise that part? Are there people educated to fix this type of limp? 
perhaps there are... 
perhaps there are...


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